You’re preggo! You have a bun in the oven. In the UK, you’re in the club.
Suddenly, you’re faced with the question of when to tell your family about a pregnancy. When is the best time to announce? I’ll quickly take you through the pros and cons of making your announcement at various times so you can decide when to announce your pregnancy.
Deciphering the Best Moment to Share Your Pregnancy News with Family
The joy of finding out you’re knocked up often leads to an immediate desire to announce your pregnancy, at least to close family members. But, timing the announcement is a personal decision that depends on a lot of factors.
The good news is that there’s no “right” answer. The bad news is that the answer is parents-to-be wait different amounts of time, depending on a lot of things like their comfort level, job situation, need for family support and medical factors.
The Early Weeks: Sharing Sooner Than Later
If you decide to announce your pregnancy early, there are pros and cons.
First, the pros. Friends and family can provide support, especially if you’re experiencing morning sickness, are having a tough time with your pregnancy, or have had prior pregnancies end in miscarriage. If it is your first child, you can get helpful advice about what books or blogs to read and have someone you can ask the thousands of questions you are going to have so you don’t have to constantly call the doctor.
Next, the cons. Parents can flood you with advice, some of which may be overbearing or even wrong, given medical advancement. With all the changes your body is going through and your hormones all a hot mess, this added stress is something you just don’t need.
The risk of miscarriage is considerably higher in the first few weeks. If you end up having a miscarriage, you will then face having to tell people that you have lost your baby.
Waiting for the First Prenatal Appointment
You might consider waiting until your first prenatal appointment, which is scheduled for around 8 weeks. At around 7 weeks, your doctor is able to hear your baby’s heartbeat during your first ultrasound.
This health check-up marks a significant milestone. You will learn your baby’s due date, and the doctor will assess your baby’s overall health.
Especially if you have experienced pregnancy loss or don’t have any known pregnancies previously, confirmation of a healthy pregnancy signals a good time to announce your pregnancy.
Back to the heartbeat for a minute. If your doctor cannot find a heartbeat, your miscarriage risk is extremely high.
I have a personal story about this exact situation. A friend of mine got pregnant, and the doctor could not find her baby’s heartbeat. My friend later found out that there was no heartbeat because her body already thought she was pregnant, so it could not then create another baby (with a heart).
The problem occurred because during a previous childbirth when she had a C-section (cesarean section), the doctor was sloppy and did not fully clean out her uterus. The doctor negligently left tissue from her baby in her uterus, so her body kept thinking she was pregnant. Even after the C-section was complete and she was holding her new baby in her arms, this leftover tissue grew inside her uterus and attached itself to an artery for its blood supply.
To fix the problem of leftover tissue, a woman will typically have a D&C (dilation and curettage, where they remove tissue from inside your uterus). If my friend had had a D&C when the tissue was scraped out, the artery would have been opened, and she would bleed out. Yes, the malpractice of the first doctor would have caused her death. Or, maybe it would be malpractice on the part of the doctor doing the D&C. But the result would be the same: death.
She ended up having to have two surgeries to fix the problem, one to cauterize the artery and a second to remove the leftover tissue. Needless to say, if you find yourself with a baby with no heartbeat, be sure you are getting very good medical advice.
Navigating First Trimester Privacy and Support
The first trimester, which lasts from conception to 12 weeks, is typically an emotional rollercoaster. You’ll be excited but also have a lot to learn. Starting around 6 weeks, you may start to have morning sickness. If you do, you might decide to tell someone so they can help you through this tough time.
Some prefer to keep the news private until the risk of pregnancy loss is lower. Approximately 80% of miscarriages are first-trimester miscarriages. Once past this stage, the risk of miscarriage drops dramatically.
Timing the Announcement Around Key Pregnancy Milestones
Some people opt to announce pregnancy around other milestones, like during the second trimester when people can see your baby bump or after your baby’s first anatomy scan. Although 30% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage, most miscarriages occur in your first trimester. By your second trimester, your chance of miscarriage drops to 2-3%.
The second trimester lasts from week 13 to week 26. Between week 14 to week 16, your baby bump typically starts showing. This visual confirmation of the pregnancy makes your pregnancy so much more real and is a great opportunity for your announcement.
Then, around week 18 to week 20, your baby has his or her first anatomy scan (also called an anomaly scan). This ultrasound provides detailed information about the baby’s development. If your baby cooperates during the ultrasound and is in the right position, your doctor will be able to tell you whether you are growing a boy or a girl.
Considering High-Risk Pregnancy Factors
In the case of high-risk pregnancies where your probability of pregnancy loss is high, making the decision to announce is stressful. The concern of complications can make the beginning of your pregnancy a nerve-wracking time, leading many to wait until after the 12-week mark to announce the pregnancy.
If you are in a high-risk pregnancy, you may feel more comfortable waiting until you are “showing” and are well into your second trimester, with multiple doctor visits and ultrasounds already confirming a healthy, viable baby.
We all know that each person is unique. But there’s more: each pregnancy is unique. With my first baby, I had horrible morning sickness, unable to get off the couch without throwing up. I couldn’t eat enough to satisfy my hunger, and I craved sweets. With the other, I had no morning sickness, barely felt pregnant, ate a healthy diet, and craved salty foods only. Plus, that second pregnancy was a breeze.
The comfort and well-being of the pregnant person during that particular pregnancy will determine when the time is right to tell people.
Celebrating with Closest Friends: Including Them in the Journey
Delivering your pregnancy news to your close friends can become a truly joyous occasion. These are the people with whom you share your life’s ups and downs, and including them in this exciting journey can be incredibly gratifying. Whether it’s a quiet, personal conversation or a creative announcement on social media, sharing the news with your friends can be one of the highlights of your pregnancy.
There are countless ways to make your announcement special, including having a party or a dinner celebration. For friends and family who are not nearby, social media or e-cards can be a great way to share the news and include them in the celebration.
Preparing for Varied Reactions from Family Members
Reactions from family to your pregnancy announcement can be varied and unpredictable. While it is typically met with joy and excitement, it’s important to remember that each family member’s response will be influenced by their individual relationship dynamics and personal histories.
From expectations about pregnancy timing to previous pregnancy experiences, these factors can significantly shape their responses. Approach these discussions with empathy, understanding, and patience, keeping open lines of communication and respecting each other’s viewpoints.
Announcing to Co-Workers: Balancing Professional and Personal Life
Your official announcement to your co-workers introduces another layer of complexity to the process, entailing a balance between professional and personal life. It’s generally advisable to wait until around 20 weeks or until you start showing up to share the news at work. Understanding your company’s maternity leave policy before making the announcement can help protect your rights and prepare for your leave.
If you’re not ready to share the news with your immediate supervisor, meeting with your company’s human resources department can provide you with the necessary support and information.
Making the Decision Together with Your Partner
Ideally, deciding when to announce a pregnancy should be a joint decision with your significant other. This process requires open communication, mutual respect, and understanding. Surprising your partner with a creative pregnancy announcement can be an exciting way to include them in this special moment, ensuring they feel valued and involved.
If you and your partner disagree about when to tell people, prioritize mutual values and respect each other’s viewpoints. Avoid labeling your partner’s approach as the right or wrong way.
Just like it took two of you to make your baby, the decision of when to announce should be made by both of you. From the time you see that pink line on your pregnancy test, every step of the journey is unique. No matter when you choose to share your joyful news, remember to savor each moment of this beautiful journey.
